Why I Walked Away from Church and Christianity

Why I Walked Away from Church and Christianity

Part One: The day I stopped praying.

The look on her face said it all, fresh tears streaming down her cheeks, the loss and grief so evident in her eyes—in that moment my world changed, well, my spiritual world anyways. How could God let this happen again? I was so sure, we were so sure we knew what He was going to do for our friend. Both of us had reassured her how confident we were in God’s answer to our prayers. We kept telling her to calm down and relax, God’s got this. And then all of a sudden He didn’t “get” it. Cause if He did, He wouldn’t have let us believe He would do what He wasn’t going to do.

Anger and despondency towards God began to grow in my heart. So many ungodly people bringing children into the world with no problem, so many people choosing to kill their unborn children, so many unfit parents raising children, and yet when one godly woman wants nothing more than to raise more godly children, God says, “No.” Harsh. Unfair. Cruel.

I stopped praying that day. I didn’t know what to say to God anymore. Why bother? He’s going to do what He’s going to do, whether or not I ask for it. Whether or not I believe. So really, why should I even bother with it? I had literally been at the height of faith and belief one day, to the very bottom the next day, drowning in doubt and uncertainty.

Over the next several months a series of unfortunate events took over my life, as well as that of my friends. It seemed for all three of us, suffering and heartache have been the name of the game. After a while, after life has kicked your ass real good, hope seems rather elusive.

Part Two: The day I stopped attending Church.

Several months before all this, I had sat weeping in my Pastor’s office, confessing how I was at a point where I didn’t even want to go to church. That life had turned me into a cynic. How I used to be happy, positive, and outward focused, and now I was negative, cynical, and could barely get through each day. Church was torturous for me. Those who know me well know that I cannot stand lying and fake-ness. I don’t like being deceived, nor do I want to deceive others. So going to church every week, plastering on a fake smile and shaking hands with people seemed disgusting and reprehensible to me. I’d rather just sleep in, thank you very much. I left the church that day and really, that was probably the last time I experienced a deep connection in any way while in that building.

Sometimes you can feel your soul fading away. Hope running in the opposite direction while you watch helplessly. And then you just, stop, you give up, you quit trying. That’s pretty much how it went down for me. I tried to hang on, but seeing my friend suffer the way she did was the proverbial last straw for me. Of course, the ensuing tragedies to befall my life and that of my two closest friends over the next several months didn’t bode well for my dwindling spirituality.

Occasionally a glimmer of hope would shine through the deep darkness of despair but it was usually brief. Only lasting until the next setback in circumstances came crashing down. Of course, this is what I deserve, after all. You see, I’m not one of those people who believe God owes me something. Quite the opposite, actually. I see every “bad” thing as God giving me what I deserve for the many years I lived my life in rebellion. When bad things happen to my friends I feel crushed for them, they don’t deserve it. But when bad things happen to me, well, why not? You sow what you reap, after all. I’m just getting my just rewards. Eventually I succumbed to the belief that my life, despite my desire to atone for my bad choices, would never be happy, would never be “successful”. I would never be forgiven, but instead forced to live in a state of perpetual punishment. God was going to let me suffer forever. I gave up and basically told God, “I still believe in You, but I don’t trust you. And I don’t plan on talking to you anymore.”

Recognizing my starving spiritual state I immediately withdrew myself from ministry. I stopped going to church, except for the days my husband would drag me there, but sitting through the services proved to be quite uncomfortable. We started coming late and leaving early so we could just hear the sermon and avoid the mushy gushy singing stuff. It’s kind of ironic that my husband, new to the faith, turned out to be the stronger “Christian” than me, the one who spent most of her life in church. I never said this to my husband, but I often thought, “Just wait till you see what the Christianity stuff is all about. Just wait till you see what horrible things God allows in your life, now that you’re trying to obey Him. Good luck with that.” (I told you I was cynical!)

Part Three: The day I stopped identifying as a “Christian”

Another thing I “gave up” was social media. I took a huge step back from things like Facebook because I found myself constantly enraged at the BS I would read on a daily basis. The BS that came from none other than self-professing Christians. Combined with my lack of trust in God, I began to hate Christianity more than anything. Christians can be jerks, you know? I mean really. sometimes more than the average “heathen”…

You’re gay? You’re going to hell.

You believe in the rapture? You’re going to hell.

You believe in eternal security? You’re definitely going to hell.

You don’t have good theology (meaning you don’t share MY theology)? Better turn before you burn, my friend.

Oh my gosh, you have tattoos? You belong to Satan.

Christians can be the most irritating judgmental people on the planet. And I totally get why people walk away from their faith. Many Christians tend to spend more time fighting with each other about who’s right and who’s wrong and who’s really saved and who’s not (like that’s any of our business???). It’s DISGUSTING. I can only imagine how this type of “Christianity” pleases Jesus—which is sarcasm because I know without a doubt, it does NOT please Him. It seems a great deal of Christians have missed the point. You see, you can stand for something (or against something) without being an asshole. Seriously. You can say why you believe what you believe without insisting everyone else who disagrees with you is an idiot and clearly not “really” saved. I’m sorry, I didn’t know we had so many perfect Christians qualified to judge people’s salvation and spirituality! Maybe we should live by example and let the Holy Spirit be the convicting one. You and me, we make terrible Holy Spirits because that’s NOT OUR JOB.

Think going to the movie theatre is a sin? Cool, don’t go to the theatre. Live by example. But don’t tell me that I’m going to hell, or that I’m clearly inferior to you spiritually because I still choose to go to the theatre. Live out your convictions people. Actions. If someone asks why you have your conviction, by all means, share your reasons with grace and love.

“Dear children, let’s not merely say we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” –1 John 3:18, NLT
The other side of the see-saw.

And then there’s this other thing. The complete breakdown of integrity within the church. It’s like we’ve either got the Pharisees over here making a living out of judging everyone else, or we’ve got the Bible-is-optional group who believes actually following God’s word is up for debate if you’re a Christian. I’m talking about people in leadership positions who habitually practice lifestyles contrary to what is clear in God’s word. And let’s be real, it’s not too hard to figure out who those people are, because they’re the ones posting their personal drama all over social media. Of course, along with those Friday night drunken party photos, they’re also talking about how much God is blessing them in the church stuff their doing. Hmmm.

Am I saying you’ve got to be perfect to serve in the church? Obviously not. But have some integrity in your personal life? Yeah, probably a good idea if you’re in a position of leadership. And if you continue to struggle, admit it, and get help. And maybe step down from leading for a while. Positions of leadership really should be reserved for the spiritually mature (not perfect!). And while you certainly have every right to pick and choose what you want to follow or believe in God’s word, I also have every right to not allow you to be in a position to lead me or my family members because I flat out don’t trust you or your “commitment” to truth-seeking. (As I said earlier, going through a major season of depression and doubt, it was easy for me to withdraw from leading and serving because I knew I wasn’t in a spiritually healthy place to be telling someone else what to do! Common sense, y’all. Doesn’t make a lot of sense to teach people about defeating depression if you haven’t defeated it! Just like you can’t effectively teach kids about purity if you aren’t practicing it…etc.)

“Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?”—Romans 6:1-2

So yeah, sometimes Christians suck and sometimes I’m embarrassed to use the term or identify with it. In fact, every time a crazy driver going 10-15mph over the speed limit zooms past me and gives me a dirty look, and then I notice the church sticker on their car, I’m even more convinced how much I loathe the term “Christians”.

“Wow, Rebecca, sounds like you’re the one being judgmental.”

I knew you would go there. Listen, I’m not going to defend myself here. Maybe it is judgmental to expect integrity within the Church, especially leadership. Maybe that’s just asking too much. And yeah, it’s none of my business what people are doing in their personal life. But then again, they make it everyone’s business when they post it all over social media. So…

What I’m saying is, I recognize the irony of my argument. It’s flawed, I know. But it’s where I’m at right now.I’m a fan of “real talk” and honesty, whether or not that realness is “Un-Christian”. And I have to add, I DO have a small group of ladies who feel the same way about Christianity and the state of the Church. They’re just nicer than I am about how they talk about it. That’s a maturity thing, they’re wiser than I am. And thank GOD they put up with me and “get” me.

Part Four: The day I finally understood what it all meant.

One of my favorite shows is “19 Kids and Counting” which follows the lives of the Duggar family. A Christian family with integrity, who live by and teach their children the Bible. They receive a lot of criticism from, you guessed it, Christians. They’re too strict, they’re cultish, they’re obviously abusive. Blah blah. Everyone’s an expert. Anyways, I don’t care about all that. I love them and what they stand for.

Samantha (my daughter who just turned 7) and I were watching the wedding of one of the Duggar girls, actually the first girl in the family to get married. They talked about how they saved themselves for marriage, including their first kiss. This is something we have taught to our daughter and continue to reinforce. How important it is to save the gift of kissing and hugging for our spouse only. And what a special gift it will be to know that your spouse is the only one you have ever kissed and held hands with (about as graphic as we’re going to get with a 7 year old). With great excitement (and some tear-shedding), we watched Jill and Derrick kiss for the first time at the altar, on their wedding day. Sam explained how she would be very nervous to kiss on her wedding day for the first time. I smiled, a proud moment to hear such a thing from your child. To know that the seeds are sprouting. And then I bawled like a baby.

For the first time in several months God spoke to me plain as day. I finally understood why I had no choice but to trust Him and cling to Him no matter how ugly life gets. Because He is my daughter’s only hope in life, and without a praying, faithful mommy, she stands little chance of standing by her faith when temptation strikes. She needs a strong foundation. Without Jesus, there is no hope. Trusting Him is our only chance of making it through life. Even if that means sometimes (or most of the time) we don’t seem to get what we want.

I’m not saying all the depression melted away, but a great deal of it subsided. The fog began to lift. My daughter is the reason I gave my life to Christ in the first place after living many years in rebellion, and she is the reason I have to press on. I have to be the example, I have to live the example, because words are just words. People, especially children, can see through lip service. It means nothing. Showing what I believe through my actions says everything and that includes trusting Jesus when it doesn’t make sense. When it hurts. When it doesn’t seem fair. Without that trust, there really is no hope. No hope for my daughter to make it through life as a God-fearing woman of integrity. Jesus is her only hope. And I will spend the rest of my life on my knees praying for her to remain strong in her faith—much stronger than her mommy. That she chooses to cling to Jesus even when society (and likely other Christians) are screaming at her and calling her a right-wing lunatic. The only hope for her, for any of us, is Jesus. If you take that away, well then, you’ve got nothing to anchor your life on. Even with Jesus, tragedy and hurt is hard enough to deal with, but without Him? Not a chance. I would have given up on life by now, if it wasn’t for Jesus.

Why trust God? Because there is no hope beyond God and what He promises to those who choose to follow when nothing makes sense, when nothing is going “right”, when we’re not getting the answers we think we need. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall see God.” God was here all along and I know that. But it was nice to hear Him speak once again and to feel the comfort of His presence. To see Hope again, after over a year of darkness.

In Conclusion:

In the end I have decided to walk away from the Church and Christianity, and embrace the Bible and Christ alone. I’ll worship with other Christians in a place called a church—whatever church God calls me to on any given Sunday. But I won’t make church and churchy things my idol. I won’t find my identity in church and activities, but in what God says about me. I won’t reach for redemption and atonement through works, because grace is free. I won’t search for accolades, because in God’s eyes, I’m already “one of a kind”. I refuse to insert myself into the holy huddles that plague every church. You know what? I don’t want to be part of the “in” crowd. I want to be part of Jesus’ crowd. Sometimes that means standing alone. But really, with Jesus, you’re never “alone”.

And I no longer identify as a Christian, but as a Jesus loving, truth seeking Christ follower. I’m not interested in beating people up with theology (which really only turns them away). I’m not interesting in debating doctrine. I’m interested in following God’s plan for my life and living out the truth of God’s word to the best of my ability and through the leading of the Holy Spirit. That’s really the life I’ve been called to and that is now the life I seek. I don’t want to be in any box but Jesus’ box. I want to live grace and be a beacon of grace because that’s all my life is—an outpouring of God’s immeasurable grace. I have no right or place to point fingers at anyone but myself, but at the same time, I will carefully choose who I will allow to influence my daughter and who I will sit under and learn from, because integrity is important to me. That is simply my personal conviction.

I will never really understand why God allows some things to happen, and I have since given up trying to explain the why’s or maybe’s of it all. I’ve learned through all of this heartache that what people really need is someone to listen to their hurts, be there for them, hug them, maybe send them a note of encouragement, and only give “advice” when it is clearly asked for. Hurting people don’t necessarily need answers and explanations, they just need someone to hear them and meet them where they’re at. They need someone to reach out and notice their need and show that they care. They need to know they’re not alone. They need to know that Jesus (LOVE) is their only hope.

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”—1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NLT

______________________________________________

PS–I realize I used some strong language in this post and, no doubt, offended someone. You can save your comments about it. I know I’m probably not a “real” Christian and am doomed because I used “unChristian” words. Thank you for wanting to warn me though, I appreciate it.

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28 thoughts on “Why I Walked Away from Church and Christianity

  1. Thank you so very much. This has truly blessed me. I am struggling with my church. I almost get physically sick each time I ho. I am in training to be a Minister. I serve, clean and give. Yet I feel detached and sickened by things I see going on. I’m in a strange place in my life and seeking God for direction. Its not about changing churches. Its about whether or not I’m going to leave church altogether.

    • I would encourage you NOT to give up on church entirely. Sometimes a break is good for a time of personal reflection and clarity but we still need fellowship. God will lead you in the right direction whether that’s this church or a new one or a house church or some other type of fellowship. 🙂

  2. I can’t even begin to describe how much of what you said sounded EXACTLY like the thoughts that have been swimming around in my head the last few months. I’ve never heard anything that sounded so much like me. I literally sat on the couch sobbing to my husband about how cynical and bitter about life I’ve become. I’ve seen a LOT of tragedies in my short life, they seem to be a constant for me (sound familiar?) You were the first person I’ve heard acknowledge the fact that life as a Christian can be a downright heartbreaking one. I agree that it’s the only way to really live, but that sure doesn’t make it easier. THANK YOU!! I needed this. I never comment on blogs, but I had to say something this time.

    • Thank you so much for your comments! I’m still up and down in my journey. One of the greatest feelings is to know you’re not alone and since writing this blog I’ve been overwhelmed with the responses of others feeling as I have felt. Keep plugging along! We’re in this together!

  3. Today I found your blog while googling “walking away from church” because that is exactly how I feel. You describe my disdain for typical American church. Now, I need advice how to march forward back into faith instead of cringing at every Christian who speaks. I hope you have advice to offer before I give it all up. I can’t pretend, go along and act like it is ok any longer.

  4. Thank you. I’m 16 and I really am done with Christians but I love God. I really want to trust God again, but I just can’t right now.

  5. Wow, I stumbled upon this and felt a light bulb moment. I have withdrawn from so much, so tired of the platitudes and judgements…. hungry for something ‘real’, but not knowing what that even looks like. And I felt alone in it. I’m still in that darkness, but so glad to see that I am not the only one who is searching this way. Thank you for your vulnerability.

  6. Rebecca,

    Please listen to Ravi Zacharias – Why I cant feel my faith?
    Dont judge a sermon by its title… Give it a chance. He is very intense. But he made me hungry towards the Word.

    All the best in Christ
    Tim

  7. This must be God callng His true folks out. I gave up around the same time you made this post. We’d tried, tried and tried to have another baby, always lost the pregnancy in the first trimester. This time we made it! Except the nuchal translucency revealed Trisomy 18. Then, the same day I got the bad news I fell down the stairs.

    Highly ironic you’d mention the Duggars. I can’t bear to watch them anymore. Gee, God, I begged for another child, I got another miscarriage and the end of my fertility, someone else gets 19 kids, something most people are howling are way too many?

    I walked away from Christianity, too. Years of being told if I just followed The Rules, I’d get everything I ever dreamed of, even the desires of my heart. Yet this desire of my heart, which trumped anything material, was snatched away.

    I renounced religion. God and I are feeling our way through. I don’t even know who He is anymore. I’m so tired.

  8. I do believe I am understanding where you are coming from and the disillusionment with the majority of people who are called “professors” in Bunyan’s terms as they profess but have no works to demonstrate their faith is an actuality. I am right now in a different area of my walk with Christ, and I have before called myself a follower of Christ and tried to stay away from the denominational affiliations, yet through the experiences God has given me, I find the necessity for so many of these things that we may abuse, and that is what seems to be the problem: we are still immature and infantile in our faith and this causes us to diminish others in a way that does not resound with the grace and truth Christ brought to the Earth. I would like to point out that it is simply the lack of insight and maturity that produces this, and that in reliable hands we would find a Christian who may be worthy of that name and bears the cross in a fashion that glorifies God. I hope and pray you may find a fellowship that allows for your growth and love. I wish you all the best.

  9. Wow Rebecca! I appreciate your honesty. I completely understand what you are saying. I hear the disappointment in your voice. I too have been (and am!) disappointed with many professed Christians. Like you, I stopped calling myself a Christian a long time ago and use the phrase “Christ-follower” instead. In all my years of Christian ministry, I would say the best and most fulfilling times were not in an “established” local church, but rather the 6-years I pastored a house-church.

    I find many people today do not understand what it means to be a genuine Christian. There are multitudes who claim to be Christians, but they do so on their terms and not God’s. They do not truly comprehend what it means to be a disciple of Jesus. Because of this ignorance, there are many who consider themselves to be Christians who are really not, even though in many ways they do look like Christians – they go to church, have a profession of faith, read their Bibles, pray, give in the offering, but they are not the real deal or at least they are not living and thinking like the real deal.

    Many people mistake their positive attitude and interest in Jesus for true discipleship. They consider themselves to be Christians, but in reality they are only casual followers and not committed disciples. They are willing and even anxious to follow Jesus, provided the cost is not too high or the demands too great. They do “Christian things” like go to church, pray, and sing Christian songs, but are not really committed to Jesus. In a sense, they are “along for the ride,” but are unwilling to give up everything in their lives to follow Jesus wholeheartedly. These “large crowds” are casual followers and not committed disciples.

    The condition of much of the church today indicates there are many people who are just part of the crowd and not true disciples. There are many who have not listened to Jesus and considered the cost of following Him. Total commitment is lacking in these people, even though a profession of faith is present. This is why recent surveys indicate there is little difference between the way the world lives and professed Christians live. Moral compromise and half-hearted commitment would not be happening as often as it does if people really understood what was required of disciples and had considered the “cost” of following Jesus. To be a disciple of Jesus means to be committed to Him above everything else.

    “It is a shameful thing for a man to profess discipleship and yet refuse to learn his Lord’s will upon certain points, or even dare to decline obedience when that will is known. How can a man be a disciple of Christ when he openly lives in disobedience to Him?” (Charles Spurgeon).

    I hope I am not one of the “judgmental Christians” you have had to endure over the years!

    I am actually doing a verse-by-verse series in 1 Timothy (it’s all about the local church and how it is supposed to look). I will leave a link for you: http://joequatronejr.com/category/bible-commentary/1-timothy.

    God bless!

  10. “In the end I have decided to walk away from the Church and Christianity, and embrace the Bible and Christ alone. I’ll worship with other Christians in a place called a church—whatever church God calls me to on any given Sunday. But I won’t make church and churchy things my idol. I won’t find my identity in church and activities, but in what God says about me. I won’t reach for redemption and atonement through works, because grace is free. I won’t search for accolades, because in God’s eyes, I’m already “one of a kind”. I refuse to insert myself into the holy huddles that plague every church. You know what? I don’t want to be part of the “in” crowd. I want to be part of Jesus’ crowd. Sometimes that means standing alone. But really, with Jesus, you’re never “alone”.

    And I no longer identify as a Christian, but as a Jesus loving, truth seeking Christ follower.”

    YES. YES. YES. YES. And again, I say YES.

    Lost identity is what’s killing the body of Christ, and that’s exactly how satan wants it. Nothing else matters but Jesus. Get alone with Him, with no one else around, and seek His word.

    Awesome post!

  11. Hi Rebecca, wow… thanks for sharing so honestly about your struggles. It’s one aspect we all appreciate about you, so keep doing it. I especially love that the Lord used your daughter to bring you back to Him.

    Keep pressing into Jesus – He’s crazy about you & He’s never going to let you go. The church is full of flawed people because it’s full of men & women, just like you and I. But Jesus is it’s Head, no man nor woman.

    I think one day you will love the church once again, because Jesus does. Take your time sitting in His presence, like Mary, and let Him guide you.

    Would love to keep updated on your time with Him so I hope you get a chance to write again soon.

  12. Proverbs 3:5&6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in ALL your ways and He will direct your path.” Gods ways are not our ways so when I don’t understand it’s ok. Your very first paragraph was filled with confusion and hurt by what God “didn’t do”. That’s our first mistake as humans is to expect God to do what we want or think is the best. The rest of your blog seemed as though it was a ripple of that experience or others like it. The only person I can control is me and so that’s the only person I try to control. I cannot control the “church” or any other “Christian”. They will face the Lord in due time. But I truly believe the current “church” organization was built by the Lord to help us, encourage us and give us a sense of his love…at least we try. I personally don’t believe we can effectively do Gods will on this earth without it. Love you and I appreciate your honesty. You’re always in my prayers.

    • I’m sorry for the confusion, I thought I made it clear that I wasn’t literally leaving the church. Hebrews is pretty clear on the issue about that and I want to follow God’s word to the best of my ability. Really my point was, sometimes hurting people don’t need to be further guilted and shamed because they’re wrestling with doubt. Often Christians will say, “Just trust Jesus” and even though they mean well, it adds a further burden of guilt for someone who’s struggling to trust. Job questioned God, didn’t he? And it wasn’t a sin to do so. God also spoke to Job and essentially put him straight. God did the same with me, in a different way under different circumstances. We need to show each other more grace instead of assuming just because someone is struggling they’re obviously not a “good” Christian. Of course people fall and have trouble. People go through dark times. We need to encourage each other instead of Bible shaming each other (using scripture to guilt people into getting their act together). I’m thankful my honesty isn’t a shock to God and that He meets me where I’m at, even in doubt. He does not condemn me, but patiently waits for me. Thankful God shows grace and mercy, and wish His people would do more of the same to each other.

  13. Yep. That right there. See, a lot of “churches” are simply institutions, and a lot of “ministry” exists either to foster the institution or simply because the institution is supposed to be doing ministry… and many times the people fall through the cracks. But the real Church, the real body of Christ, exists with or without those institutions, and sometimes in spite of the exoskeleton an institution has imposed upon any given body of believers. So within any given church, you may find the Church. Or in some, you may not. The people I consider my support group are wide and varied when it comes to which congregation they attend. Some don’t attend any. Some are pastors, some are missionaries, and we are all real in our commitment to God’s Word and to serving Christ. But very few of us feel compelled to toe any church line. Maybe living in Los Angeles gives us a more cynical take on churchianity – I know it’s a harder distinction to make when one’s culture and family for generations have been steeped in church society. I do happen to regularly attend an institutional church, but it’s not because of the institution – it’s because of the people there. At any rate, I encourage you not to forsake the gathering together of the saints, and equally, I encourage you not to think for a moment that sitting your butt in the same pew every Sunday will accomplish that. Keep accountable, keep encouraging others, keep bringing your precious daughter around others who will pray for her and encourage her in her walk. And if you feel like rolling your eyes when someone gushes about the latest new group you just must sign up for at the local institution… well, you’re in good company. Just keep your heart and attitude in love, keep your eyes focused on what God is telling you to do in His Kingdom, and let them spin their wheels without you. 🙂

    • Haha I love you Julia! You get what I’m saying. No worries, not literally abandoning the church! I guess I didn’t make that quite clear enough in the post. But how I approach church is different now. I’m in a life group with some great ladies and none of us attend the same church! But we do life together and encourage each other no matter where we’re at in our spiritual walk. No Bible shaming or guilt tripping. If it wasn’t for those ladies, I might have truly considered throwing in the towel! But there’s some good ones out there who “get it” (like you!) and those are the ones that keep me going. 😀

  14. Rebecca – Loved your story. We go to church because we are sinners and need a savior and everyone else in that church is also a sinner and needs a savior. Hopefully we will get to know people that are encouraging us. Love you, Ginny

    • Very true! Definitely agree! I have a couple friends who encourage me no matter where I’m at spiritually. They always lift me up. Ironically neither of them go to my church. It’s great to know you’re loved and cared for and understood by at least a couple people out there. 🙂

  15. Dear Rebecca, Thank you for posting this blog. And all your honesty and you’re being. I believe in Jesus Christ with all my heart and soul and mind. However through the years of attending church and other activities I got discourage to. 1) God said he loved all people not just a few chosen are the in crowd. 2) The Holy Spirit will guide us what to do 3) a leader should live their lives by example and teaching. Even myself have been going to stages of depression and anxiety but I feel like I still need the Lord. Or would life be worth living? I to call myself a Christ follower because I believe in the Holy Bible. The body of Christ and life eternal. And the trinity of the Father Son and Holy Spirit. We have enough churches denominations and so forth. in this world. We need Christ followers to pay the way and set the example. Thank you again for your blog hope this makes sense. Kathy Tett

    Sent from my Cricket smartphone

    • Yes this makes perfect sense, thanks for adding your thoughts. I know you understand what I mean here because you’ve experienced a lot of what I’m talking about too. And you’re right, without God life is pointless. Which is why I’m pressing on despite the “bad apples” in the bunch. Ultimately the only thing we can control is ourselves and how we choose to live. Hopefully that will be attractive to others. Love you, Kathy.

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