words | Rebecca Aarup

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue, but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18

Yesterday my husband arrived home from work much earlier than usual. Normally this sends me in a panic, having developed a steady routine I don’t like interrupted. I took a moment to refocus on my calling (having just finished writing about it) and prepared to be confronted with ways to “practice what I preach”.

Within a half hour he was suggesting going places and doing things I was completely uninterested in. I found myself blurting out “ok, let’s go” before I even knew what was happening. (Thanks, God.) It’s amazing how well things go when an attitude is changed. Knowing that I was first and foremost being obedient to Christ allowed me to enjoy the process of serving my husband.

There have been many times in the past I grudgingly went along with what he wanted to do, but my horrible attitude ruined the process for us both. God has used the good and bad experiences to teach me what it means to be a servant-help-meet to my husband. One day my husband, surprised by my attitude changes, exclaimed, “What’s gotten into you?!” Oh, not much, honey, just the Holy Spirit’s conviction!

I’d love to end this note with a “happily-ever-after” statement of my husband’s changed heart for Jesus, but I cannot do that-yet. I do believe 1 Peter 3:1-2₁and the principles it outlines. My husband may very well have a change of heart someday because he saw God’s change in my heart first. It’s not just about being different then I was eight years ago when we met; it’s about a heart change that’s only explained by the supernatural power of the Living God. My husband is still of the thought that “all good things come to an end”, sitting back waiting for me to “get over it” with “religion”. It’s been several years and he’s stubborn to say the least, but I know no matter how long it takes, my calling to love, honor, obey, and commitment in prayer over him will never change, even if he never changes.

Can you imagine how decades of loving service, submission, respect and companionship could possibly affect him? It may take that long, it may not. It may never happen. In any case, it’s what I’ve been called to do. In fact, it’s what every wife has been called to do, regardless of their husband’s spiritual state.

I’ve been counseled by women of faith to divorce my husband over our differences, and, having already been divorced I’ll admit it was enticing at one point. But God hasn’t called me to take the easy way out. I’ve made it clear to my husband that if he ever brought home divorce papers, no matter what happened, I would not sign them-ever. I believe that is what God called me to do; relentlessly pursue reconciliation at all costs and refuse to give up.

In a message a few weeks ago at church, Pastor Pat said something that had me in tears. He talked about doing the best we can with what we’ve been given right where we are, and at that moment God spoke to my heart, “serve him”. That was my calling, that was how I could do the best with what I had where I was-serving my husband. I grieved thinking how often I had an attitude about getting up at 2:30am to make his breakfast before he went to work, and how many times I had refused to do it then complained at the end of the week how much money he spent eating out (poor guy).

I’m not perfect, and confessing my failures being a servant-wife is frequent in my prayer life, however God’s mercies are new every morning₂ and He provides ample opportunities to show love to my husband through service. I challenge you, if you’re a wife, to ask God how you can better serve your husband today. Not just the regular “cleaning up after him” sort of things, but something extraordinary. Something that would make him exclaim, “what’s gotten into you?!” And if you’re a husband, you’re not off the hook. Loving your wife as Christ loves the church₃ is a high calling not to be taken for granted (in fact, it’s impossible to love your wife as described in Ephesians without His indwelling spirit). Meanwhile, be thankful to your wife when you see she’s making an effort. Let her know you appreciate it and watch her be motivated to do more!

The following Scripture quotes have been taken from the New International Version.

1 Peter 3:1-2 “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
Lamentations 3:22-23 “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
Ephesians 5:25-30 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-for we are all members of his body.”

Holy Water

“With my lips I recount all of the laws that come from your mouth.” Psalm 119:13 NIV

I’ll admit it, I like to sing in the shower, in my car, while I am doing the dishes, vacuuming, or even cleaning the litter box (which is tricky when you’re trying not to inhale). Music has always been a part of my life and as an accompaniment pianist, I find myself hearing rhythms, accompaniment patterns, and ad libs whenever I listen to a song. I can’t even hear a clock ticking without hearing tempos and singing songs in my head. I have memorized many songs unintentionally just by listening to them and singing them over and over again. It’s really annoying when I get a commercial jingle stuck in my head, and I find myself singing about auto insurance at odd hours of the night.

A lot of times we think we can’t remember anything, and it’s true we all misplace our keys or lose our debit cards occasionally. (In my case almost daily in the pit that is my purse.) If we’re honest we’ll admit it’s not as hard to memorize something as we think it is; in reality it just depends on what’s important to us and what we choose to listen to/look at on a consistent basis.

The Psalmist said he could recount all of the laws verbally. That’s a pretty impressive statement. How do you suppose he was able to do that? I doubt it was because he glanced over them for an hour once a week. He most likely repeated them over and over again out loud many times a day; just like that commercial jingle that gets stuck in your head because you hear it over and over again during that football game (or movie or whatever you like to watch). When we hear something and repeat it out loud we tend to remember it better. Often times when I am trying to memorize a verse I repeat it out loud many times as I lay in bed until I fall asleep. It’s the first thing on my mind when I wake up and I remember it a lot better than just reading a verse on a page. You would think having spent over a year studying Psalm 119, I would have most of it memorized by now, but it’s not the case. I only remember the verses I have intentionally sought to remember and spent time speaking them and hearing my own voice saying them. That verbal reinforcement is powerful and transforming.

The Hebrew word for recount in this verse is actually to declare, inscribe, enumerate, celebrate, commune, speak, talk or tell. This is not just a mental exercise; it’s also a physical process involving the tongue. It’s no wonder this is necessary in training the mind as we see in James 3:6:

“The tongue is also a fire, a word of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire.”

Have you ever said something you regretted? Has your tongue ever gotten you in trouble and lit up your life like a flaming wildfire? I know I have. The Scriptures are our way of dousing those flames with “holy water”, so to speak. When we declare the words of the Lord with our mouths, we reiterate to our minds truth that transforms. It takes black and white off the page and puts it into practice. We’re more likely to remember the words and attitude of Jesus that we are told to emulate if we are spending time repeating them. Is there something in your life that you struggle with? Perhaps it’s anger, gossip, or impatience. Find a verse that addresses the issue you struggle with, and commit it to memory by repeating it out loud several times every day. Listen to the word of God spoken on a cd in your car, or record it yourself to listen to you when you’re driving. Declare it in your bed at night until it begins to transform your mind and you can say, “With my lips I recount your laws, Lord!”

Prayer

Jesus, I ask that you reveal a verse to me that I need to commit to memory. I want my actions to mirror the life of Jesus, and I realize I need to have a transformation of thinking in order for that to occur. Control the damaging flames of my tongue with the cooling water of your word.